Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He better not be in your backpack
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
