I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
