The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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