listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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