Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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