the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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