Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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