How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
