Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
