it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
