Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
