Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
