the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
