My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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