So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Four minutes until I can fart!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
