she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
