we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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