the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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