my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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