i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
