oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
