Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
