they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
