Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
