**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I looked at my own cervix.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
