I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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