Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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