doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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