@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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