I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
