I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
