Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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