Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
