It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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