are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
