I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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