mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
