you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Boobs speak an international language.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Who died my cat blue again?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
