I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
