We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
