The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
