just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
