It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
