fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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