Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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