I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
