That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
