I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
