Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
