The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You smell like stripper and shame
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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