no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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