Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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