i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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