guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
