I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
