meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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