Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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