It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
