did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
