I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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