Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
