you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
