i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
