OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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