I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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