xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
