i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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