from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
