he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
