dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
