How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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