In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
