Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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